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Reading. Relaxing. Reflecting.

Unwillingly sometimes we suffer from such torment of life. Might also be a reflection from our actions that caused us to trapped ourselves in a mind-boggling maze .

More of the 'dark and cold nights'. A part of me that I try so hard to erase from my not-so-precious mind.

I came face to face with my own demons. A unthreatened woman. She appeared to be so strong. Very Confident and also, I saw No trace of happiness of whatsoever could be seen in her eyes. But how could that be? that the same woman was me.

How did I overcome that stage?
The moment that I experienced a strong doze of pain, I left my earthly body with an acceptance that hurting is part of living. A choice had to me made. Live or Die.
I chose to die. In spirit. But my physical self lived. I went through motions without feelings. Without knowing what hurts me and what satisfies me. I was in a different state of mind. It was a dark hole. An empty canvas. No life. No colors. No sound. No truth. All lies.

I was in a acute stage of denial. A mere fact that life was what I chose it to be. I had so much, but really had nothing to lose. Nothing to gain as well. So much for living.

Then I saw the light.

It was in front of me all along. Their eyes wandering. Their tiny hands trying so hard to reach out for mine for the longest time. But I was blinded with such selfishness. A crazy-fantasy that was built with my delusions. My fears. And Such cowardliness. I was insane to think that I can live my life without dreams. Without love. Without laughter.

And now I understand that it can never be called "living" without love. Without that glowing hope in my heart. Pain is only a state-of-mind. It's part of the pleasure. Through Pain Can we only really appreciate such satisfactions.

My strength brought only sorrow to the people I love.

Realizing that 'The little people' in my life comes first before anything. And that includes myself. I no longer exist. I am slave of love. An Unconditional kind of love. I am a mother. And the 'Little People' will learn from me. Happiness is what they deserve. A happy mother is what they need. Someone that they can look up to. With strength, full of life. And dignity. And that is what I will give.

I am a woman. A mother. Who Survived lots of turbulence. Died and lived all over again. With lots of scars from the past. But miracle healed the most wounded part of my being. My soul. I soldiered on through every delicate thread of shame and humility. And now I humble myself with divine acceptance.

And at this very moment? I feel blessed far more than I could ever dreamed of.

The path that I chose to travel on led me to the road I'm on now.

I've arrived my destination.
My Mate has met my soul.
And Finally I am whole.

I was criticized. But was never given a verdict.
I waited and waited for the storm to pass.
And never did enjoy the delight of dancing in the rain.

It's never too late to try. To live. To laugh. And to cry from laughing so much.
I forgive myself for being human. For making my mistakes.
And I finally learned to put myself up in the pedestal because it's where I deserve to be.
Every whipped of pain, each tear that fell, all the wounds that scarred,
All the scream that echoed, every slip, in every twist and turns.
Every bit of it is ME. Remarkably, Exceptionally ME.

And I stand so proudly to tell everybody.
That happiness runs through my blood.
And the air that I breathe is infused with HIS love for thee...

As grateful as I can be,

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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